Dead by Rocket League
by Aenasyn
Summary: Dwight, Claudette and Jake all end up in Rocket League. Not to be taken seriously, this is just for fun. Rated M for language.


Trembling with fear, Dwight grabbed the latch to begin the slow process of opening the exit gate. His chest throbbed with pain from his second hook; if it weren't for Jake's borrowed time, he would've been claimed by the Entity. But did Jake make it?

Biting his fingernails, he looked behind him as the lights lit up to indicate its progress. He breathed a slight sigh of relief when he caught sight of Claudette popping up from the bushes close by. Then he heard Jane's over-exaggerated and asthmatic pants of exhaustion after running for just ten seconds.

"Girl, you need Iron Will. The shadows in the basement can hear you," Claudette told her.

"I'd rather use Self-Care and Hope," Jane nonchalantly responded.

"You are hopeless," came Jake's voice as he crept over to the exit gate. He was badly injured but his Iron Will had helped him elude The Wraith.

"Can everyone just be kind to each other? We're all about to escape!" Dwight pleaded. He felt his hand dripping with sweat, felt his heart pounding even faster.

Finally in what seemed like eternity, the exit gates open. All four survivors scattered to the exit, even bumping to each other. Their spirits were lifted with the likelihood of escaping; after all, no one could hear the killer's heartbeat.

"We teabagging?" Jake asked.

"Hell to the yeah, we are!" Claudette exclaimed excitedly. She was already enthusiastically teabagging.

Jane was self-caring.

And Dwight noped the fuck out of there.

Even as the endgame collapse was nearing closer to its end, the three cocky and remaining survivors continued to teabag. They knew they wouldn't get extra bloodpoints, but it was worth spiting the killer.

Suddenly, a shimmer appeared right behind them. And before they could realize it, it was too late.

Jane was the first to go. She let out a pathetic wheeze as the Wraith clobbered her to the ground, his NOED activating.

Panicking, Claudette and Jake stopped teabagging, then rushed for the safe zone. But their arrogance proved to be their undoing; they had been screwing around too close to the exit door.

"FUCKING NOED!" Claudette mentioned to exclaim angrily as she, too, was instantly downed. She knew she should've stayed in the bushes a little longer.

Jake attempted to Iron Will behind a wall, but the Wraith quickly spotted him and downed him too.

"So what have we learned today?" Jake asked as he was being carried to a nearby hook. He looked bored, even as he faced his inevitable and painful demise.

"We suck," Claudette weakly answered as she slowly bled on the ground. She crawled towards the clearing, but then Blood Warden activated. Realizing this, she looked behind her, glaring at Jane, and said, "I blame you, Miss Hope. Aren't you prestige 3?"

"Let me live my life," Jane groaned back. She felt herself growing weaker and weaker by the second.

"Maybe you should cut down on the carbs," Claudette muttered under her breath. The last thing she saw as the darkness overwhelmed her was Jane gaping at her.

Dwight opened his eyes, expecting to be returned to the foreboding and familiar campfire with his friends. But what he saw shocked him more than The Doctor.

Cautiously studying his surroundings, he realized he was in a car in a large stadium. The sounds of an invisible crowd rang in his ears. He was completely dumbfounded, but also relieved he was finally seeing the sun. But how and why was he in a car?

The sounds of a countdown interrupted his muddled thoughts.

"Uh…what's happening?" he timidly asked. There were two other cars beside him, revving up.

"How in the heck – "

The two other cars shot forward towards a soccer ball. Dwight copied their movements, but quickly rammed into the wall.

"Nice shot!" someone said.

_Was he being sarcastic?_ Dwight wondered to himself. He was busy trying to get off the wall.

"I'm useless in this, too," he admitted. He wished Claudette, Jake or even Jane had made it in with him; he'd feel a lot more comfortable and safe.

But he had a bad feeling they didn't escape; after all, they were all notorious teabaggers.

Two blue cars on his side of the field suddenly disappeared, replaced by new ones.

"Where in god's name are we?" Jake asked from inside one of the newer blue cars.

"WHERE ARE MY BUSHES?" Claudette shrieked from within another car.

Dwight looked for a fourth car, but none showed up.

Knowing the Entity worked in mysterious ways, the timid survivor knew it was better not to question the bizarre situation they were all in. But he did not know their objective anymore. He was the leader, but now he felt totally lost.

"Hey, Dwight! I think we are supposed to run into the ball!" Jake excitedly shouted. He was always the quick thinker in the group.

"Get the fuck off me," Claudette snapped after bumping into Dwight.

"I'm so sorry!" Dwight said, and he steered himself away from her as quick as he could.

But in his panic he sped into another car, this time orange, and an explosion rang out. The orange car disappeared.

"Nice one, Dwight!" Claudette praised as she juggled the soccer ball to the other side. She was quick to learn, and very enthusiastic.

"I just killed someone," Dwight whispered, feeling instant regret. But to his surprise, he felt exhilarated and proud of himself.

Then, he uttered words he thought he would never say again: "This is going to be fun!"


End file.
